I'm NOT giving you the finger!

Does anyone else remember when some theory got out there stating that we would soon evolve to only having four fingers because our pinky was useless?  I am very pleased that this has not happened, yet, but I have given it some much do attention over the past thirty years.

Seriously, I remember this being a real conversation topic some time in the early to mid 80's.  I don't know where or why this theory came about and how it became such a common conversation piece, but it was out there.

I always wondered why the pinky would be considered "useless?"  It seems like such a useful tool in the arsenal of human anatomy.  But as I grew up and learned how to behave properly in a public setting (still working on it) I came to realize that the pinky's God given duties had been deemed "gross" by modern society.

That is simply just not fair!

Let's face it, in an attempt to be not so graphic I will try to keep this toned down and say, the pinky is a very useful tool at getting into places no other finger can get into and scratching itches, or clearing out "blockages" that might otherwise be left unattended, driving us all crazy!

Sure modern technology and pharmaceutical companies have brought us things like swabs, or tissues or medicated wipes, saline rinses or other devices to avoid the nastiness that the pinky had to endure, but this was merely a way for companies to make a buck off of us by telling us we were gross and are better than that.  They're really only punishing the pinky.  

If it's such a bad finger, then why don't we point that one at people in disgust?  Yes, I do realize its diminutive size might make that more of a humorous gesture as the middle finger is longer and makes more of a point, but, it's the principle of the thing!

TAKE THAT EVOLUTION!

The pinky certainly isn't as fickle as the "ring finger" which seems to only serve as a fashion accessory.  You can put a ring on any finger, and then you get dumped and you have to take the ring off and store it forever for no real reason!  But hey, free ring.  Stupid finger.

The middle finger, well, it's useful for making rude gestures, pointing things out to people in a very intimdating manner and for getting that last little bit of mustard out of the jar.  Still not as useful as the pinky!

However, I must admit that the pinky, as well as any other finger, pale in comparison to the thumb and forefinger.  Ah yes, Thumbkin and Pointer, we need you so, what with your pincer grasp and all....

But the pinky is still wonderful!  I find my pinky is quite useful in keeping my hands the correct distance from my keyboard.  It also is nice for doing that cute little thing you do with someone you like when you just want to hold pinkys instead of going full on and holding hands.  It also serves as a brilliant counter weight when I drink my coffee or tea.  I just stick that pinky out, sip my coffee and get picked on by strangers in public because I am sticking my pinky out.

TO HECK WITH YOU!!! I USE MY PINKY WITH PRIDE!

I am sure I could go on with the many important non-nasty uses of the pinky.  I'm almost certian I can do it... some other time.

I also feel the pinky has been represented poorly in art.  Yes, there was "Pinky Tuscadero" whom I loved so dearly.  She was a bit brash, but whaddya gonna do?  She needed to provide a tough persona when representing the Pinky versus Fonzie's thumbs.... "Ayyyyyyy!"  She was representing the pinky right?  The name clearly says it all, I think.

But then we also had Pinky and the Brain.  You know, the only reason they never achieved world domination was because of Brain's mistakes, NOT Pinky's!  Ahhhh, but Pinky... He represented the jovial side of the fingers!

And then you had.... ummm... welll... errrr... I guess Pinky Tuscadero and Pinky were it.  See, poor representation in art.  I cannot even think of any other medium to represent the pinky. 

Oh Andy, you missed your calling!

But what I wish most of all is that they simply didn't break so easily.  Seriously, I've broken one of my pinkies twice.  I wasn't doing anything gross (in public) when I broke it.

The doctor wanted to do surgery on it after the second break.  I passed out when he mentioned that. 

It was not a good day.

So there you go... thirty years of pondering on the pinky.  That's all I got.

Ahhhh Pinky... How I love thee so!