My father had it too easy with me. Some of the most challenging, tv inspired, questions I had for him as a child were "Daddy why can't coyotes catch roadrunners... how did that duck survive that gunshot... can dogs really talk and say 'ruh rohhh'... can that girl really tap her brother's ring and turn into an eagle?" His response was always similar. "It's a cartoon. That's not real."
Modern day shows are great in that my child is getting an education. I think she is learning a lot. Frustratingly, I too am having to learn a lot to keep up with her shows.
For example, this past weekend, while I was doing dishes she was watching a show that shall remain nameless (but rhymes with Hineeous and Herb) when she came up to me and asked "Daddy, what's a law?" Of course, in my head, I started singing to myself "I'm just a Bill..." which I did learn from, but School House Rock wasn't a show, it was an educational platform to air between the mindless shows of my childhood. It's soul purpose was to inform children but to a level that we had no need for follow up questions for our folks.
So I answered her, "Well honey, a law is a rule made by the government to keep us safe from harming ourselves or others. If we break a law the police will arrest us and there will be consequences. They are there to keep the peace!" I felt pretty good about myself with that one and I still do right now having just looked up the word law finding it defined as "the principles and regulations established in a community by some authority and applicable to its people, whether in the form of legislation or of custom and policies recognized and enforced by judicial decision."
"So, if we break a law, the police might arrest us?" she asked sheepishly.
"Quite possibly, yes" I felt like we were having a moment and I was really reaching her.
"So, if I break Newton's law of gravity and start floating, the police will come get me?" My head hurt almost immediately.
"Wahhhhhhhh" I mumbled in a Fred Flintstone-esque manner.
"His Law of Gravity. If I start floating I break physics laws and the police will come get me?"
Now, I actually knew about Newtonian Physics because I remember a few things from school, but mostly because the most recent version of Battlestar Galactica was cool enough for some drunk in a bar to accost me one night and explain to me how "this series is following Newtonian Physics in the way the ships travel in space." But in NOOOOO WAY did that bar conversation prepare me for this moment with my child!
I would have thought I had at least 10 to 14 more years before I had to deal with this sort of questioning and by then I'd be able to just fake being asleep at any given moment.
I was really stumped. I knew this was a simple yes or no answer, but if I just just gave her a one word response, there would be more follow up questions and I'd sound like a complete idiot trying to stumble my way through "see, there was this apple and Newton was sitting under a tree..." and then bring it on home with "and now Starbuck is a girl!" I'm sure I've lost a lot of you, but the Starbuck thing is totally a part of this and every conversation ever if it can be!
I simply looked at her and said "what show are you watching?" She explained to me the show and reminded me that it is my favorite cartoon, which it is, and that everyone was floating and Carl was in trouble with his "Dad." "Carl doesn't have a Dad" was my reply and our crisis was averted. The conversation had changed to why Major Monogram was acting like he was Carl's Dad.
You know what, don't worry about where our conversation went. I realize I totally avoided answering my child and now she'll turn to some bad influence to help her with her gravitational concerns. Just help me understand how to answer my child the next time this comes up.
I swear, other than the whole School House Rock library I learned very little from cartoons. It was fun and mindless. Although I did learn from an episode of Spiderman that the Swastika was originally a Hindu symbol about being good or something. Oh yeah and when one bad guy saluted the non-nazi flag with the swastika on it, his partner called him a "dummkopf" so I also learned that Germans called the dumbest among them dummkopfs.
I also learned that Fearless Freep was an AWESOME diver. It's true. Dad said that part was real.
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