The Child Spies. The Daddy Cries.

I am starting to think that my child is a spy for the other side.  And by "other side" I, of course, mean girls.

As I am often reminded by my lovely child, I am "a boy" and I am "raising a girl."  I never understood her people before I had a baby girl and I'm not entirely certain I understand them anymore now; maybe even less. 

Seriously, she's only 7 and already has so many shoes.  They make her happy.  She never wears most of the pairs she has, but relatives keep bringing them.  Granted, I have a lot of shoes too, probably more than most men.  No, I don't know why.  They tend to annoy me.

She also has a LOT of stuffed animals.  I had five, I think, growing up and I still own two of them.  She has over a hundred at my house alone I'm almost certain.  I won't buy them for her anymore.

But I'm getting off point, kind of. 

I thought I was studying her and trying to learn more about her people.  I'm not getting much.

So far all I know is that if I give a potential date a stuffed animal she'll be happy but chances are, later on, she'll cry if I change the channel?  7 years and that's all I've got.  The rest of the time I am just confused.

I thought I could impact her in a manner that would help me implement my plans into her networks and then her kind would grow up having a better understanding of manly things, like fire and grilling and science fiction movies and why the Cubs MUST WIN THE SERIES!!!  Instead, I've got a girl who wants to put on a dress and heels to climb trees.  And then I find myself actually saying "don't climb a tree in a dress and hi heels, you'll ruin your dress and hi heels!"  What the HELL do I care about ruining a dress and hi heels?!?!?!   I'm a BOY!!!!  I think?

And so it has recently dawned on me that maybe she is a spy for her people and is actually studying me and implementing her own plan.  I think it's working.  First off, she already knows how to shut me up with food or by brushing my hair.   I will fall asleep during a haircut.

Secondly, I want cookies more often than I ever did.  AND CHOCOLATE!!! Her Fault!

Also, I like shoes.  Sure what the hell... let's blame that one on her too.

And then, I sleep with stuffed animals more than I used too.  Granted, I don't know I'm sleeping with stuffed animals until I wake up in the middle of the night staring eye to eye with Eeyore and I start screaming...

And yes, when I wake up scared by a stuffed animal in the middle of the night... I SCREAM LIKE A GIRL!!!

Finally, I cry more than I ever did.  That kid has turned me into an emotional wreck!!!  Although, that could just be the Cubbies.

So, my plan to study her and learn from her has failed; miserably.  I'm basically just trying to keep up with her these days.

I also think she is trying to learn bad words from me.

"Daddy, he said the "S" word!!!"
"What word?  Stupid?"
"Nope" writes in a notepad
"Stupid face?"
"No Dad.  Nice combo though." writes more.
"Silly?"
"Nope" scribble...
"Sonofagun?"
"Nope."  looks down at her pad and mumbles "hmmmmmm... that's new."
So I try to throw her off "SHAZBOT!?!?!"
"Nanoo Nanoo Dad... nice try. Go on."
And it really does just goes on. 

I'm running out of ideas before I start using what I still consider to be the "S" words of my age group.  I mean, I'm honestly trying to be the adult and not teach her anything bad.  I know her game.  So I'll just try to end it and say "well, honey, any S words worse than those you should never say."

"Oh yeah Dad.  Like what?"

SHE'S SO "D" word WILEY!!!!