Dear Imelda....

I think most women's footwear is based on a dare!  There I said it.

Have I said it before?  I may have.  I don't always remember what I've typed about in these posts.  I'm sure I'm going to repeat myself from time to time.

So some time back in history, I'm almost certain that somewhere two ladies got into a fight about who could wear the tallest heel and they're still fighting it out.  I'm sure that at first they were probably sitting innocently in an old candle lit Nordic pub wearing bear skin wraps around their feet, to properly insulate their feet in the snow, when one thought up the idea of adding a heel to their wrap that would put them above the snow.  Over time and few inches of lifting later things probably got personal and Helga got all bent out of shape because Magda was getting more attention from being taller and then it was on!  Surely it was something like that.

Eventually, this became fashion.

"Well a taller heel makes my calves look better" is what I've heard, but I'm not sure that's a real concern when you're hobbling about it pain or walking like John Wayne down a city street as you try to keep your balance in your stilettos.

Really, most women's shoes look terribly painful to me.  I know many women who have to carry their "Pretty shoes" with them to the party/ event only to wear some comfy shoes en-route.  I just don't get it.

Now please don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking the people I know who need "shoe therapy" to cheer them up from time to time.  We all have moment where just acquiring something new is enough to get us through a dull point.  I just don't understand the styles!

I must point out here that I had a former girlfriend who felt her footwear would intimidate me.  It took me some time to catch on, years actually, and her intent was never successful, not because she wasn't sending a message, but because it really didn't register with me.

She was about an inch shorter than me and that was fine.  She could have been taller than me and I would not have had any problem.  Basically, I think if you're maybe 18 inches shorter or 18 inches taller than me I might have an issue, other than that, I really don't worry about height.

It dawned on me somewhere around the time we broke up that when she was mad at me and wanted to either intimidate me or put me in my place, she would wear really high heels.  She would be a good two inches taller than me and kind of cocky.  I'd compliment her on her shoes of course, as I'm no fool, but other than that, I didn't understand why she was being so moody.  I just (foolishly) assumed that she was upset because her feet hurt really bad by the end of the day.

Now, typically the next day or so, after she had punished me enough (I guess) she would wear flats and be shorter and much more pleasant.  I'd compliment her on her shoes and that's all I knew to do. 

Of course what threw me off, and limited my recognition of the shoe message being delivered my way, was that she had a LOT of shoes and never wore the same pair twice in the same month, let alone week (how does the "let alone" phrase work?  Is it supposed to be greater to lesser or vice verse?  I don't know, sorry if I've used it incorrectly).  It's not like I was partnered up with Imelda Marcos or anything, but, seriously, she had a lot of shoes.  Anyway, she would often wear heels and not be in a bad mood and wear flats and not be in a sweet or humbled mood.  So, what did I know? 

I can assure you, I knew nothing.  It wasn't until after we broke up that a relative of hers clued me in.  Lesson learned.

So people, and in my experience, mostly women, have a great desire to accumulate shoes to make themselves feel better.  Granted, I have a lot of shoes, most of which I hardly ever wear, but it's not because they cheer me up or express my mood.  Mainly I have so many pairs because I am afraid to throw them away.  Although I do have a pair of cowboy boots and a pair of canvas sneakers that make me feel SECKSIE & Kewl!!!

But it seems to me that heeled footwear is the dare based product of a designer revolution and personal expression.  I don't know what to make of that.  I don't need my shoes to express any thing.  I just want them to match what I'm wearing in a way that won't get me laughed at.

If my former girlfriend really wanted to get a point across to me, she should have worn black leather combat boots with shiny steel points on the toes.  Upon seeing those I'm sure my comments would have been "What can I do to help?  Please don't kill me!" and "Yes dear."