"Starships are meant to fly... this makes me want to die!"

To my Mom and Dad, but mostly Dad, I am soooooooooo sorry for what I did to you during my childhood.  No, no, no, not the back talking, or the staying out late, or the occasional lying, or talking bad about you behind your back, or being an ungrateful punk teen, or for forging your signature on tests, or for.... wow, I might have been a crappy kid...

But, no, at this time, I wish to apologize to my folks for making them listen to Top 40 Radio, especially when we were on long road trips. 

See, my beautiful child has recently learned, from another beautiful child, about the joy that is Top 40 radio.  I mean this facetiously when I say the part about "joy."  I find almost no joy in what I listen to on Top 40 stations.

At least most of the Top 40 music from my generation was good.  Top 40 before my youth was, and after my youth, has been, not good.  Just the stuff that came out when I was a kid was worthwhile.

I was worried that love might be tainted.
I did run, I ran so far away.
I hoped people thought I was sexy and that they wanted my body.
I wanted to talk to the dearly beloved and just go crazy, one time.
And I was very happy that the men all paused when she walked into the room.

This was brilliant relevant stuff.  It was all about the pop, pop, pop muzik!

I do regret that day, on the Florida Turnpike when I jumped up from the has been seat in the wagon and shouted into Dad's ear, "WHIP IT, WHIP IT GOOD," as he was trying to nap in the middle seat while Mom drove.  He didn't deserve that much of a shock, but it was playing on the radio at that moment.  I still, to this date, believe with all my heart that he urgently needed to know what to do when a problem comes along.

On a side note, the "has been seat" was the rear-facing back bench that used to be standard in the 20+ feet long land yachts, known as Station Wagons, of the 70's and 80's.  When sitting in that seat, you could see where you "has been" and not where you was gwanna be.  I do not know if this seat still exists in modern vehicles.

So, now I fast forward from the 70's and 80's to right, about, NOW!!!!  I guarantee you that at this moment that song "Starships are meant to fly..." is playing for the fourth time in the last hour on the same radio station.  And if that song hasn't been played 4 times, whatever has been playing sounds just like it. 

I swear, I sat in the car with four kids the other day listening to "their station," the Top 40 one.  I sat in the front seat making that percussive "m-tss, m-tss, m-tss, m-tss" sound that was the exact same drum/cymbal beat for four songs in a row.  At one point I didn't even know "Starships" had ended and some non-anthem/ non-rock song titled "Party Rock" had started. 

IT WAS AWFUL!!!!!  Luckily I have Dana Carvey on my side.  He taught me that when all else fails, just sing about "choppin broccoli."    So now, when I feel I just cannot go on listening anymore, I will sing at the top of my lungs(and I have BIG lungs):

 "Starships are meant to fly, I'm choppin broccoli, I've got some in my eye, God Bless Dana Carvey." 

Of course you have to pronounce broccoli and Carvey as if they rhyme with fly.  Yes, that's taking some poetic liberty, but it helps.

So, to my Mom and Dad, I am, of course sorry for being such a difficult kid and I am also sorry that you did not have Dana Carvey to help get you through.  But I swear it was not my fault.

It was that damned Casey Kasem!!!