I'm making this assumption because I've seen him around from time to time at odd hours acting all homeless. I've also seen him asleep in the park a few mornings as well as some nights and one time I saw him asleep on a park bench somewhere else in town. So, through deduction, I'm left to assume he is homeless. Or he is an undercover cop. Or he is just very eccentric. I don't know. I do know that if you are extremely wealthy and live life by your own rules and sleep in a park sometimes they call you eccentric. If you do it because times are tough or you've wasted your life or some tragic story, you're homeless.
Whether he has a home or not, is not my point. He seems pretty harmless. He does have different clothes on when I see him. So maybe, he is homeless but his clothes have a lavish bachelor pad? Again, I don't know how it works. I hope I never do.
His clothes are what have brought me to today's subject though. Typically he is in jeans and a raincoat or a leather vest sometimes with a white t-shirt on under the coat or vest but most times no shirt. I've only seen him in the summer months so I am not certain of the extent of his wardrobe.
However, the other morning when I saw him at the park, he was curled up in a ball, sitting upright with the base of his feet level with his rear end. His elbows were on his knees and his face was in his hands. He was wearing slippers as well as a nightgown which he had pulled over his knees to cover his legs. Yup, a nightgown.
It wasn't a sexy nightgown by any means. No, it was nothing lacy or satiny or frilly in anyway but more of your practical get up with curlers in your hair, fix the kids breakfast and then mop the house while smoking a pack of cigarettes kind of nightgown. If your spouse is wearing this nightgown, it kind of says "STAY AWAY" loudly and clearly.
It was a light blue nightgown with puffy shoulders. Okay, so maybe the puffy shoulders were a little frilly, but it appeared that he had cut the nightgown at the armpit so his arms could best fit through; so much for the frillyness. The nightgown was older and worn and had been washed so much that the fabric had thinned out enough so that it was now somewhat transparent. His back was facing me as I walked past and I could see his hairy back and the space separating his glutious maximi (much better than just saying "crack" dontcha' think). It was awful.
I only did 2 of my regular 4 to 6 laps that morning. So, I got to see this twice. Ughhhhh....
But it got me thinking, which, if you follow my blog at all, you should now know that damn near everything gets me "thinking." Also, what you will most likely not be the slightest bit surprised to hear is that what it got me thinking about isn't anything I've typed so far. That's right. What you've spent the last 10 or 15 minutes reading so far is just the introduction to what's on my mind.
I think this is why my Father would usually lose his temper about two to three sentences into me trying to tell him anything.
"Why are you bleeding?" Hypothetically he would ask.
"Well, yesterday morning when I got up 'Wake Me Up Before You Go' was on the radio and..."
"What the hell does this have to do with you bleeding today?"
"Well, my girlfriend told me that if that song was on the radio in the morning yesterday that I should wear my blue Chuck T's. So I couldn't wear them today since I wore them yesterday. So....."
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?!?"
Once I passed out from blood loss, the doctors were able to explain what had happened.
 |
| But 25 years later, I've still got the Chuck T's! |
Anyway, why did men ever stop wearing skirts and robes? They really look comfy! That's the point I've been working towards. Sorry if it's a let down.
I'm serious. Throughout history men wore skirts and they dominated the world! Look at Rome. The soldiers wore skirts and the politicians wore sheets. Levi's were hardly popular and Wranglers weren't sold ANYWHERE!
Now, at least in the US of A, if a guy dresses up in a skirt he is either nuts, looking for a fight or trying to relive his family's "ancient" heritage. And if you dress up in a sheet, you're either a racist ass or a drunk college kid at a party.
In other countries robes or kilts or grass skirts are worn as a tradition but not often as every day style. Yes, you might see a Scot in a tuxedo with a kilt, but he's not wearing that every day. People would just stare at him for such a strong everyday fashion statement. But my opinion is "fashion statement HELL!!! They look comfy!"
The world has become so form over function that style has outweighed practicality. Why? I do like a nice fitting pair of jeans, but let's face it, they don't offer too much freedom. Without being too graphic, that freedom sounds really nice. I would think men would want and even need that freedom more than women, yet women get the loose fitting clothes. It's like the cross bar on a bicycle. Why do men's bikes have to have the raised bar? If you slip out of the saddle going up a hill you're gonna hit notes that Mariah Carey can't reach. Trust me, I know.
I wish kilts were common or even socially acceptable in the states. I'd like to give it a try but I am no trend setter.
On my way to work yesterday I passed an old guy wearing a blue and black tartan kilt and black combat boots whilst mowing his lawn. He looked like a nut and not just because of his outfit. He was an older scrawny pale white guy. He was balding on top of his head but had long stringy white hair in the back and on the sides with a scruffy white beard and, as a matter of fact, he was missing some teeth. He looked exactly as one might imagine some shipwrecked pirate who had been living alone in a cave on an uncharted island for the past ten years would look. Of course, while on the island, he was psychologically stable enough to realize the dangers of skin cancer so he avoided the sun at all costs and that is why he is still so white. HE LOOKED CRAZY!!!
So basically if you're insane and/ or you have nothing else to lose, like a homeless guy in a park or a shipwrecked pirate mowing his lawn, you can get away with wearing a robe or a skirt for every day activities. If you're a celebrity or a "traditionalist re-enactor" it's a lot more acceptable. But if you're me or someone just like me, you can't. Life is just not fair for an everyday guy like me.
I'd love to go just one day without having to make an "adjustment" because my pants are too constricting when I sit, or do lunges, or walk, or make a sandwich, etc...
I'm always curious how fashion went from men in skirts to men wearing pants with a codpiece? I'm sure I could look into this and research it but why bother. I NEVER want to wear a codpiece.
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