I am going to place a video camera in every room in my house, but it's not for anything freaky. The Cameras will actually be pointed towards all of my windows. I'm guessing I'll need eleven cameras.
I'm going to need help raising capital. I'm thinking I'll need $77,021.37. That covers the cameras, the storage medium, the estimated excess use of power in my house for the month I plan to run this experiment, the editing software and hardware I'll need in order to compile my footage, MD&D related expenses (Mountain Dew and Doritos), and the 30 day cruise of Europe and the Mediterranean that I will need to take to best relax after the experiment is over.
For the experiment, I plan to turn on all of the cameras, walk into my house, shut the door, and see what happens. I have two doors, so I will do each door as I enter the house and each door as I exit the house two times a day and then compile my notes. I will do this for thirty days straight.
My ultimate goal is to find out if when I close a door, do any windows open?
I have been told a lot in the past few years of my life that "when a door closes, a window will open" or "another door will open."
This sounds like a Laurel and Hardy skit to me. I can just see it in black and white with a little bit of ragtime piano music playing. Stan is closing a door while Ollie is bent over. The door closes and a window opens. Ollie stands up, maxing out the supports of his overalls, and closes the window. Then the reverse happens. As the window is closed, the door opens back up knocking Stan square in the face. Stan is disoriented, loses his balance, stumbles a bit and falls off a 65 story building. AND SCENE!
I realize that the "door closing/ window opening" thing is just a quote (metaphor, idiom, cliche') to instill hope, but it just isn't overly practical to me.
First off, I simply cannot afford to either heat or cool the outside world. When I shut my door, I'm greatly anticipating my windows staying shut. As people say in one of those towns I lived in growing up "I weren't raised in no barn!!!" I'm pretty sure they say that.
Secondly, I cannot afford to hire a construction crew to fix whatever problem with my house is causing all of my windows to just open and close all loosy goosey like this. Likewise, I cannot afford the Ghostbusters either.
Also, nothing is coming through my windows, other than bugs and wind, that will be big enough to contribute much to my life. I have tried it and I cannot fit through my windows. My house is like 60 years old and the windows simply don't open wide enough for me or anyone else to fit through.
If you want to give me hope that things are going to get better for me, give me something to hope for.
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." WHAT THE HELL? I will need life to give me a few lemon farms in order for that sort of thinking to give me any sense of hope or success. I've tried the whole lemonade stand thing. The money is crap, the people tend to be rude because of that whole "I thought I'd be buying lemonade from some cute kid, not some old guy" thing and the hours are simply grueling! Not to mention the splinters I get from the wooden spoon I have to stir the damn lemonade with.
I want to hear something like, "When life gives you lemons ... that Saudi oil baron over there will give you ONE MILLION DOLLARS EACH!" This inspires me greatly.
"When a door closes, a window always opens ... and all of your neighbors will give you $100 per day in gratitude for you cooling/ heating the neighborhood!" WHOO HOOEEEE...That is GREAT news!!!!! Let me see, I have a neighbor to the left, to the right, behind me, across the street and then one in each corner. That's.... EIGHT NEIGHBORS!!! Which would come out to $800 a day. This is much more realistic than the oil baron scenario. I am sooooooo inspired!!!
Oh yeah, and in a kind of reverse inspiration, there's always "money can't buy happiness." Well, I'm sure it helps! That's just something people with money say to keep the rest of us without as much money from trying so hard and taking a piece of the pie. mmmmmmmmm... pie......
Anyway, so I'm going to do this experiment to research hope based on the "Open Window Theory (TM)." So far I've managed to pool my personal funds and I now only need $77,016.26.
Granted, I could do a much better experiment if that Saudi oil baron has any use for these four lemons.
Would you please help?
No comments:
Post a Comment