This morning I woke up with the Lionel Richie song "All Night Long" stuck in my head. I wish I could say it was the song on the radio station when my clock radio alarm turned on, but alas, no. I woke up to no such alarm. No, I woke up thirty or so minutes before my alarm to a lovely dog playing what I can only guess was the drum beats for the song "Wipe Out" on my chest; I believe she was actually playing the FAT BOYS version.
But the dog is not the story here.
I don't mind the song "All Night Long" but I don't ever hear that song. Why it was on my mind I may never know. "Everyone you meet, they're jammin' in the street, All Night Long..." All. Morning. Long....
I liken having this song stuck in my head to when I used to have "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go" stuck in my head way back in '84. I was in the 9th grade and that song was the song that the local Top 40 station, (which was the only station I could get) would play at the exact same time every morning which was the exact same time that my alarm clock would go off on school days.
Surely we all remember how I feel about TOP 40 RADIO!!! I might have implied back then that I liked some of the Top 40 of my day, but not so much when it came to the songs that got stuck in my head and haunted me. I've just recently learned, from Pandora Radio, that I liked what is called "80's Alternative" for the most part.... hmmmm....
Well, I also liked 80's ROCK AND FREAKIN' ROLL!!!!
So, with my head stuck in 1984 and my dog tormenting me for a walk I decided I would kill two birds with one stone!!! Actually I was going to DEMOLISH one bird with the stone, that bird being the song "All Night Long" stuck in my head, and the other bird would be spared because that bird was really my dog and I would like her to live, so I just took her for a walk!
Anyway, I decided to take the dog for a walk at 5:45 am and felt that some good old fashioned 80's Rock n Roll would be the tunes I would listen to for my walk. I thought to myself, "self, what better way to erase a pop hit from '84 (although it was released in'83 "All Night Long" didn't start tormenting me until '84) from my head than to listen to some rock and roll that I listened to A LOT in 1984!"
So I loaded a Van Halen album on my phone... yup, I'm sure you know which one...
FAIR WARNING!!!
At 5:45 am. walking in the dark, with your Golden Retriever wearing a pink collar with a matching leash, Fair Warning really helps get you going and balance out your badass level. I don't typically concern myself with my level of badassery... I am of the belief that those days are long gone. I am too old (not that I'm old) and too tired (I am sleepy a lot of the time) to really care about what anyone thinks about my bad self. I am also pretty humbled most of the time. I don't have time to be a badass... just a Dad!
However, when you're walking your dog at 5:45 am, in the dark, using pink doggie control stuff and singing "All Night Long" you may, and should, have a badassery dilemma within yourself. "All Night Long" just doesn't help.
So, Van Halen, FAIR WARNING, it is! Stepping out of your driveway and walking out into the dark with the first track "Mean Streets" playing really gets you feeling intense. Ready to be a COMPLETE badass... walking your dog.
The second track "Dirty Movies" is a lot more mellow but still gives you an overall feeling of awesomeness! It's unavoidable.
Tracks 3 and 4 really keep you going with a sense of how cool you are. "Sinner's Swing" and "Hear About it Later" just add to the energy within you as yet another ingredient thus far added to the mix of "badassery cake" you have become listening to this album... whilst walking your dog.
But, by the time you get to track five, there is an aura of badassedness that is consuming you. You lose yourself in the moment as soon as you hear the first few notes on Eddie's guitar grinding out the opening riff to "Unchained!" As Dave shouts out "ALRIGHT" and Alex and Michael bring in the rhythm it is so easy to get lost in the intensity of the song...
Only 21 seconds in, when Dave has just finished screeching out "ahhhhh hah hah hahhh" you are exploding within trying to contain the outpouring, dare I say "unchained," badass that you have become! Even your dog can see it as she slowly tries to inch further away from you.
As you are lost in the intensity of the combination of each performer, you can see them, in your minds eye, right in front of you... Dave doing his high kicks, Eddie jumping up kicking both legs out front and back all the while tearing away at his strings, Alex wearing sunglasses and looking angry as he pounds away at his drum set and Michael, just standing there smiling.
It is important to note that, at times, life is like a deck of cards and as excited as you are to add more of the stack to the tower you make of yourself, it can all come crumbling down in an instant.
Listening to this song in private, or with a group of your "bro's" it is okay to play your air guitar in a badassery bond session. However, at 6:02 am (as you are now over 17 minutes into the album), in the dark, walking a golden retriever wearing a pink collar with a matching leash, in a public park, with other people around, you should in fact NOT play your air guitar.
Sadly, this morning, I did.
I also added the occasional David Lee Roth signature "leg kick straight up in the air" (although I can't kick that high) along with the equally thrilling signature Eddie Van Halen "jump up and kick one leg out forward and the other backward all the while playing your air guitar and holding a dog leash" maneuver as I walked my dog in the park.
Not one person in the park knew what was going on. I can only imagine what they thought seeing me as a silhouette walking my dog off in the distance, suddenly kicking my legs about and jumping in the air screaming "ahhhhh hah hah hahh."
No one would make eye contact with me after that moment.
No one held out a lighter and shouted "more."
I was broken. I had NO badass mojo within me. I was just a guy, walking his dog, with the pink stuff, now in the glow of pre-sunrise, ostracized by my "peers."
Coincidentally, that's when the sad slower sixth song on the album "Push Comes to Shove" came on. It is as if Van Halen knew when they originally recorded this album that by the time you got to the sixth track you would have made such a fool of yourself you would need that song to comfort your foolishness.
As I was finishing up my last lap around the park I caught up to one of my witnesses. He looked at me, almost nervous. So I spoke.
"Watch out for those squirrels over there. THEY ARE NUTS!!! I had to jump away from one and scream at it a little while ago."
That seemed to calm his nerves.
I added to his comfort by making myself appear absolutely nonthreatening and I walked away singing "All Night Long (ALL NIGHT)."
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