So I LIE! It's for your own good.

Hypothetically, I'm sitting in my favorite chair.  I'm comfy.  I'd love to say something like "the game is on" but it's probably more like "Pawn Stars is on."  Life is good.

When this happens....

"Hey Hon?"
"Yes Dear?"
"Watcha' thinkin'?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"Yup, nothing."
"How is that possible?"
"Idunno."
"No seriously... what are you thinking about?"
"Nothing."
"Surely you're thinking about something."
"I wasn't before, but now I can't stop thinking about how close you are to my face.."

And then it gets ugly.

Now, let's face it.  We all know I was "thinking."  I can't not THINK.  I can't "clear my mind of all thoughts," as the zen Buddhist recommended I do, WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT IT!!!

But see, my mind is like this ping pong ball experiment in Nuclear Fission.  Yes the quantum mechanics that make up my thought flow are obnoxious.

I actually was thinking:

The guy just brought in an antique cup and wants to sell it for $3000.  It was appraised at $3,500.  He ended up selling it to them for $1,500.  He's an idiot.  I know many idiots.  Well, some I don't really "know."  I just see them every day in traffic as I drive into work.  I can't believe I see these people every day and I don't know who they are.  I see them more than I see my own family; HELL more than I see my own child!  Well, that's on a daily basis mind you, not measuring the time I spend with the people in traffic based on the minutes I see my child.  But I rarely see my own child five days in a row and I see these people all the time.  Divorce sucks.  Whatever happened to that blond girl in the yellow Miata?  She was cute, but she smoked... and that Miata... what a joke.  Man, I remember when my friend and I rode around in his Geo Metro. The thing only had three cylinders.  THREE!!! When we were going up hill we had to turn the AC off so it wouldn't stall out.  We were both too big to ever be in that car together.  Man, I remember thinking I was big then.  I wish I was only "that big" now.  I wonder what I should make for dinner?  Probably something lite.  I'll make a salad.  That'll be lite.  And I'll put Ritz Crackers, cheese, ham, turkey, chicken patty, French's onions...  God I love those onions.  What?  What is this lunatic gonna sell that book for?  That's less than half of what he wanted. Hmmm.... I wonder what she wants....  Save her some time... just say "nothing."

And that is just an example of like one minute of thinking.  The ping pong balls are all over the place and the mousetraps are throwing them left and right.

NOBODY wants me to explain all of that stuff when they ask "watcha' thinkin'?"  Really, NOBODY.  Lord knows, I've tried.  Eventually the person just walks away disgusted with me for even trying.

So I am left with a moral challenge.  I can tell the truth and say exactly what is on my mind or I can lie and say "nothing."  Just trust me on this.  Have faith in me that I am protecting you from some rampant ping pong ball.  Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to put all of those ping pong balls on their respective mouse traps in my mind?  Well, it was probably easier than those guys in the video, but STILL!!!

I could just say something like "I was thinking about how beautiful you are" but that would probably get me one of those "Ohhhh Bullsh*t!" type smacks to the head...