You know That guy, the one who drives down the road in rush hour traffic next to you every day singing at the top of lungs along with whatever is blaring through his stereo.
The same guy who, while using two hands to hold the steering wheel and one foot to work the gas and brake, magically has the ability to also play the air (bass) guitar and still tap out the drum beats while driving. You know, you've been behind that guy in traffic and his brake lights keep flashing on and off but not because he has his hazard lights on or is even trying to brake, but because the bass drum on this song is just AWESOME and deserves extra special attention and must be tapped out with his gas/ brake foot at all costs!!!!
This guy was the one who, before getting his drivers license, would take a shower for at least a good thirty minutes so he could sing one entire side of a record or the entire "Stars on 45" medley over and over and over again because, what the hell else are you supposed to do in such an acoustically perfect shower?
Yup, that guy, you've seen him, well, he's me! I'm sure there are other's but what the hell, it's my story, I'm typing it... That guy IS me!
- On a bad day I'm probably belting out some sort of Cure-esque type dirge.
- On a cool day I'm probably rapping out the sound track to Office Space! That's a very "Gangsta" CD.
- On a Nancy boy type day I catch myself singing along with Culture Club or Madonna because my radio station snuck that one in on me and I "forgot" to change the channel.
- On a day I'm feeling dangerous, it's the Bee Gees!
- On deep meaningful days you can probably catch me belting out "O Fortuna" or Mozart's "Dies Ire." I might even be singing "Vesti la Giubba" because not only am I deep and meaningful at that moment, but also because, whoa... been there done that and lived that life if you know what that reference means...
So yeah, I like to JAM in my car!
But today, I almost killed myself and I was just singing. I was not playing the drums. I was not playing any air instruments. I was being a responsible driver, both hands on the wheel, eyes forward, singing along with the radio.
Have you ever heard someone choking to death and so you run up behind them and start to administer the Heimlich Maneuver because you saw this work in a movie once and it turns out that they weren't choking? It turns out that they were just trying to speak French or German for the first time. Of course, these languages can be very beautiful if spoken correctly (yes, even German especially when sung). But if someone just doesn't have the accent down, they might sound like they're dying. So now, you're under arrest for trying to save someone from the French language...
Well, the song I was singing wasn't in another language, but it had a similar effect on me. It was in English. In fact, it was in Modern English. I was singing the Modern English song "I Melt With You" but I was trying NOT to sing it with an English accent.
Have you ever tried that? It's next to impossible. I've tried before and I can't do it. But that was when I was standing on a stage. I should have known better than to ever try to sing "Moving forward using all my breath.. making love to you was never second best" in an American accent while driving my car. It's a dangerous distraction.
Here, try that thing where you sit in your chair and at the same time tap your head with one hand and rub your belly in a circular motion with the other hand. It's a difficult thing to do. Now, at the same time, try to sing I Melt With You in an American accent. You'll be lucky if you only sprain something but chances are, somehow, someway, you're going to wind up in a burn unit for you efforts. Yeah, I know, even just sitting still... BURN UNIT!!!!
There is a band called "Bowling for Soup" that pulled it off as a cover at least once for the recording, but the song just sounds wrong. My brain won't even accept their version of the song as the same song.
But that's what happens my friends. You're brain is tied up in the English to American Accent change over with this song and all other brain functions have to get involved. I'm afraid if I ever try this again I might just stop breathing because the part of my brain that controls breathing will be distracted by one of the greatest English only songs out there!
My daughter sings most nights for a good thrity minutes in the shower. It makes me smile, but today's experience has made me realize that I will soon have to have "the talk" with her.
Yup, the "Modern English" talk.
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