PART II: But, what am I?

"I know you are, but what am I?" 

I practice these words each night before I go to bed in preparation for a battle that may never come!  My preparation is my nuclear deterrent as it were.  My nemesis knows that I practice and knows that the next time, I will be better prepared.  So, we stay in a stagnate state between each other always knowing what each other is but always waiting for the answer as to what we ourselves are.

This is no way to live.

I recently described to you how handily I was defeated by a sixth grader in a classic match-up of IKYABWAI ("I know you are, but what am I?" ... I don't know why I even take the time to think up these Acronyms if I'm going to have to keep explaining them to you) but only barely touched the tip of the iceberg on how this defeat effected me emotionally.

To re-cap, I got confused and essentially shot myself in the foot by saying "I know I am, but what am I" which assured a quick defeat for me.  It was awful.

But, me being me, this is where I went off on a tangent of thought.

"I know I am" and I do know that I AM.  I exist!  I have roots.  I have offspring.  I AM!  "But, what (exactly) am I?"  What constitutes what I may be?

Here's what I know... I am male.... and that about sums it up for me. 

Is that all that defines me? Sure there are events in my life and roles I have fulfilled that have defined who I may be, but they change. 

For example, I have been and always will be my parents child. First I was just their child and then I was their child in elementary school, and then middle school and then the school play and on the baseball team and then their child in high school and then I became their child in college... you see this one goes on  and on...

So, that helps me think this through... I am a male and my parent's child!  I'm getting somewhere with this.

Then I met someone and got married.  So this added two new identifiers to me in that I am male, heterosexual, my parent's child and the guy that woman met in a bar! 

WHOO HOO!!! As Navin R. Johnson and I both screamed out the first time we appeared in the phone book... "I'm SOMEBODY!!!"

The "guy in the bar" part was kind of a demotion for me but at least the hetero part answered some questions...

My existence stayed at pretty much "male-hetero-married-employed at- parent's kid" for quite some time.  But I am not certain that where I work contributes to my self being as much as what I do.  This is like friends... they make me a better person as a whole, but unless they play a daily role in my life, I do not see them as defining who I am... granted, yeah, if I had a bunch of friends who were ax-murders, I guess that would play a role in defining who I am. 

In fact, I was only quite recently discussing this very thing with my Scandinavian friend Björn Axmurderersfriend.

So yeah, perhaps work and friends don't truly define who I am although they do impact who I am in some way.  They are probably more of a reflection of who I am.

So, I am back to being hetero male married child of parents.  But alas, life changes.

I became a parent.

Even In my parents eyes, I was downgraded.  I became hetero male who was present at the creation of an angel! And the only part that truly mattered was the angel part!

But yes, at my basic core and my greatest belief I was a husband and father.  Everything else was secondary. Granted, I just can't seem to shake the whole stigma that comes along with being a "hetero male" which seems so socially unacceptable these days! And I will always be my parents child so I'm stuck with that too I guess.

But again, things change and I was downgraded yet again (or upgraded given the circumstances and/ or how you look at it) and I was no longer a husband. 

I was just a hetero-male of my parents creation what has created offspring!

In fact, (in contradiction to what I just typed) minus any medical assistance and/or uses of technology, being a Father, in my case, nullifies the need for me to specify "hetero-male."  So there I am.  I am a Father!  That is all I am sure of other than the fact that I am my parent's child.

Everything else changes accept for those two points. 

I AM my parent's child (and my sibling's sibling). 
I AM my daughter's Father!

I can live with this.  I am pleased with this.

As I've grown up, I've come to realize that I had a GREAT family and GREAT parents.  And as much as I can I want to give my daughter what I had.

I am what my parents raised me to be.

I am a Father!  This is where you hum Pomp and Circumstance (you'll hear it at the 1:50 mark) or even the Imperial March (which is much cooler).

So take that sixth grade kid!!! Sticks and stones may break my bones but I am that kid's DAD (and so much more)!!! 

Yeah yeah yeah... that kid... the one that was on your side... and wanted. you. to... to beat me... just like you did.

Regardless...

Nyah nyah ny-nyah nyah!!!