PART I: I know you are!

I got into an "I know you are but what am I" fight with an eleven year old this weekend.  Sure, it was all in jest and it was supposed to be funny, but yeah, I was wayyyyyyy out of her league and she totally kicked my ass.

Essentially, my daughter and her friend wanted me to help them carve a pumpkin.  I was soooo happy that they only wanted my "help!"  This means that I am supposed to do the part that involves the knives, and nothing else; nothing messy!

So, I cut the top of the pumpkin open while they completed their design.  Then they both put on a shirt of mine as to not get their clothes filthy.  They both put their arm in the pumpkin to pull out it's "guts."  They both belted out a resounding "EWWWWWWWW" as if they had never done this exact same thing before. 

Without any words they both pulled their arms out, wiped off with paper towels and started making a fort in the back of my truck with ropes and blankets.  I was left to take care of the uncapped gourd spread out on newspaper in my front yard. 

So I foolishly accused them both of being "cut-open-pumpkin-cleaner-outer-quitters!!" and THAT'S when the "I know you are...." fight was on.  My daughter being the younger of the two opted to let the older child lead in the debate in which each of us knew about the other but had concerns as to what we ourselves are (a.k.a. "I know you are but what am I!"  keep up with me).

This was a wise choice for my kid to make.  I might've stood a chance against her.  I'm still able to successfully pull the Bugs Bunny/ Daffy Duck Wabbit Season/ Duck Seasons Switcheroo on her!  You know, where your kid says "nuh-uh" and then you say "uh-huh" and then they say "nuh-uh" and you say "uh-huh" and then they say "nuh-uh" and you say "nuh-uh"and then they say "uh-huh" giving you the go ahead win!!!! 

Of course, being out of practice for "I know you are" combat, I slipped up and threw in a poorly worded and not well thought out variation by saying "I know you are but what are you?"  The pressure of my error proved to be a great distraction.  At my next volley of words I was able to get it right, but on my final assault, I blew it!  I actually inadvertently threw in the previously mentioned BB/DD WS/DS Switcheroo (shortened version of "Bugs Bunny/ Daffy Duck Wabbit Season/ Duck Seasons Switcheroo" so I don't have to type it out again and oh damn look what I just did anyway....) in and used it against myself! 

I heard the words coming out of my mouth "I know I am...." and started to panic.  I tried to real it back in and correct, but any correction was a trivial compensation for already admitting that I knew I was and there for I had already lost... "I know I am ... but what am I" is what I got out.

The older child's eyes turned to steely eyed slits.  She knew she had won.  I hung my head in shame and walked away to carve the pumpkin, in defeat.  I'm almost certain my standing fell a few notches in my daughter's eyes.  But nonetheless, she was on the winning side.

Of course, this sent me into a deep philosophical self examination whilst I carved the pumpkin in a defeated silence, but that is too much to get into right now.  Yeah this may have to be a two-parter...

Essentially, I do know what I AM in that I exist, but in turn, as a person, as a cognitive being I really do not know if I can properly answer the question "but what am I..."

Oh yeah, to add insult to injury, both girls intermittently hit me with the un-provoked attack of "nuh uh YOU" as they played in their fort.