How my childhood beliefs have corrupted with age. A.K.A.- No Santa, Nooooooo!

There were a lot of cute mystical beings that I believed in as a child.  I think these were the adults way to keep me relatively well behaved and just add excitement to relatively humdrum things.

Of course, Santa is the best!   Here's a guy who knows all of my dirty little secrets and he passes judgement on me.  Around the end of the year he brings me presents to reward me for my good behavior.  This is a great tool for parents for the most part.  However, as we all got older, we stopped believing in this character.  I think the first step in it all falling apart is that we suddenly realise that we've been really crappy kids all year long and yet, we're still getting loot!!!

But where we, as new found grown ups who no longer believe in Santa, pay for our crimes against the world is when Santa is replaced by another mystical character.  There is another being who, as adults we understand is the physical representation of the organization that now knows all of our dirty secrets and passes judgement on all of us whether we've been bad or good, but it mostly seems like he passes judgement on those who are good and struggling.  Of course I mean The Taxman.

He keeps a list, and I think I he probably checks it more than twice.  He doesn't need to find out, as he already knows and simply doesn't care who's naughty or nice.  He just comes to town and nails us all whenever he can.  I picture him in a suit similar to Santa's, but it is grey pinstripes and it's made of baby seal fur.  And he has a monocle. 

Well, we also had The Easter Bunny.  As a kid this is a rabbit who brings kids chocolate and small gifts and quite often nice clothes for children to wear to church on a Christian Holiday.  I'm sorry?  Were there a lot of rabbits at the crucifixion?  They seem to be missing from all of the pictures that were taken that day.  Not to be blasphemous, but I'm almost certain that had there been a bunch of cute bunnies bouncing all over the place, they really would have lightened the mood and the judging mass probably would have not been in such haste to pass judgement as they would've been happily playing with all the cute bunnies!

But no, as we grow up we learn that the rabbit is a pagan representation of procreation along with chocolate eggs and that these were just thrown in to combine a pagan festival with a Christian holiday or mourning and celebration.

Now, I am absolutely no biblical scholar by any means, but growing up and learning about the bunnies and how they have nothing to do with Easter yet have become the most commercially celebrated part, much like Santa vs. The Birth, is kind of a painful part of growing up. 

So really, again, whereas Santa pretty much becomes just the opposite as the tax man for grown ups, I'm going to have to say that the Easter Bunny pretty much became the fairy for any and all marketing campaigns out there.  The Cadburry Bunny is what has the Easter Bunny has become.  As I grew up to know that there is no Easter Bunny, the Bunny simply evolved to become a marketing whiz. 

I can just see him in between takes for those chocolate egg commercials.  He probably hops out of a limo fueled by the tears of babies, walks into the studio and removes his three piece bunny suit (made from more seal pup fur) and says in a thick scratchy Brooklyn Accent as he hands his stogy to his assistant :

"C'man, less dooo this.  I don'd gad all day yeah.  I do a few clucks I make a few bucks. 

Whaddya gonna do eh..."

Heartless marketing bunny.

So I also believed in the tooth fairy.  Here is a loving fairy with an enamel fetish that collects your dead teeth for cash.  HOW AWESOME IS THAT we all thought as kids!  We endure a gross by product of growing up and make a buck without having to cluck for the camera!  SWEET!!!

Then we grow up and there become a lot more fairies for dealing with aspects of growing up, but these fairies don't pay us a damn dime for our suffering:

• The Zit Fairy who turns our faces in a general plague area
• The Low Metabolism Fairy who helps us start to fatten up some time after 27
• The Presbyopia Fairy who makes your vision poor and if you are truly cursed she'll leave under your pillow a life altering secret written out in a note, that only you can read,that is written so small you'll NEVER be able to focus on it.
• The Hairclub Fairy who takes the hair from your head and relocates it to your ears as well as in a path traveling down your back

THESE FAIRIES SUCK!!!

Now much like the Easter Bunny really did exist but turned out to be a marketing rouse, I do believe that one fairy truly does exist but his message becomes hurtful with age. 

Cupid is magical.  The way he sneaks up on you and shoots you with an arrow.  Most people would get life for such a thing, but nope, not cupid!  As a kid just by standing next to someone you might be in love with them for a whole day or so.  It happens all the time.  Sometimes is happens 6 or 7 times an hour.  Cupid's great!  And Valentines Day has really become a celebration of his goodness... or at least it had...

As you grow up, cupid is still there, but his affects wear off on some people and not so much on others.  Some of us still fall in love six or seven times an hour and others can't seem to accept love.  And then Valentine's day simply becomes a reminder of either something you have to do or a grim reminder of what you do not have.

Cupid, you're aim may just might be getting bad with age; our age, not yours.

So, there, I'm being all negative and grumpy about how cruel the fairies are for either not existing or for transforming along with us in age. 

Sometimes reality is just unfair.

At least I'll always have The Great Pumpkin!!!