You're in the bathroom at home. You're kneeling on the seat with the lid off of the back of your toilet and you're up to your elbows in icy cold water. It's winter, so the water is cold. The chain broke and the toilet will not flush, so you are now working (and freezing) in the cold water.
Your fingers are hurting as you try to replace the chain or just reattach some portion of the chain from the flapper thingy at the bottom to the flusher thingy at the top. Your fingers are reeeeeeally hurting.
It's at this point that you see your child standing just off to your side where you can barely see her in your peripheral. The blessed angel, only moments ago, sheepishly approached you in the living room to nervously announce "Daddy, the toilet won't flush." She now stands with some distance between you both, but not so much that cannot see where your hands are, staring at you in horror.
"Is... is there poop in there?" she asks ashamedly.
And that's when it hits you...
As a parent we know we're supposed to teach our kids the basic "don't go out and get yourself maimed or killed today by doing something stupid" rules like:
- Wait 30 minutes before swimming after eating
- Don't stick your finger in the power outlet
- Don't hide in the refrigerator
- Don't play in traffic
- Don't stick your finger in the garbage disposal
- Don't jump off a bridge with "ANY NAME HERE" (again)
- Don't talk to strangers
- Don't stick your finger in that dog
- In fact, keep your fingers to yourself
- Stay away from hot things
And then we also teach them some of the basics like, math, how to use dishes and silverware, how not to use a plastic bag.... yada yada yada...
But there are other things that we just end up teaching our kids because, you just know. For example, "No honey, there is nothing nasty in the back part of the toilet. That is clean water that flushes the nasty stuff that you just did far far away!"
And now she has learned.
But there are other things that we as adults simply take for granted that we know. I have no idea when I learned them but I'm certain I had to. Now I am learning all over again that at some point I must have learned them because I now know and you, the kid, obviously do not know.
Our kids are smart. Probably even smarter than we were at their age. Luckily, they're smart enough to ask questions about things that may seem silly to us but, well, they just need to know! Some of the things that I have taught my child that I did not mean or intend to teach her, but she obviously needed to know, are as follows:
- Of course, the whole "good water in the back part of the toilet" thing
- Sometimes firemen just drive firetrucks around town and to stores and restaurants and that's not because the place is on fire or is going to be on fire or was recently on fire. It's because they needed a big truck to drive that they could all ride in and you have to drive things quite often to make sure they still work.
- Sometimes ambulance people just drive ambulances around town and to stores and restaurants and that's not because some one is hurt or is going to be hurt or was recently hurt. It's because they sit in their ambulances all day and it's just what they drive.
- YES COPS TOO!!!
- No, there is nobody inside the teller machine.
- Well yes the other day we did see someone coming out of the teller machine but that was only because he was getting some stuff out of the teller machine. He was only in there for a second.
- Okay, so yes, technically someone has to work "inside" of the teller machine from time to time but there is no one staffing it from the inside doling out money.
- In this context, "Staffing" means working and "doling" means handing.
- "Context" means how I used the word in this case. Okay just stop with the %$#$!!! QUESTIONS!!!
- Yes %$#$!!! was a bad word and I'm sorry I said it and I don't want you to ever say it. Let's go get ice cream.
- Yes, although you never see them, there are baby pigeons.
- No, not all clowns are killers.. just some... no you cannot tell which ones.
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