DUUUUUD NEWWWWWWW!!!

You can't stretch words out and have them make sense in text.

This is one of the major dilemmas I think that will affect us as a society as we continue to text and utilize social networking rather than actually communicate face to face, or even over the phone.

I have a phone with me at all times.  It drives me nuts.  I'm always getting texts and e-mails and game requests.  And when it rings, because someone actually has the nerve to call me on my phone, I often do not answer because, well, I just don't want to be bothered.

So, why do I keep my phone with me?

I've no freakin' clue.

Maybe it's the whole inner monologue of power and rejection?  You know, I fear being alone, so I keep my phone with me at all times hoping for someone to reach out to me just so I know I exist and I am thought of.  However, deep down inside I want the power to reject someone so that I feel more important to myself?

No... that can't be it.  I think I keep it with me for all of the pictures I have stored in it's memory.  So, I have my phone that I use to "talk" with people and share memories without really having to talk to them.  Makes perfect sense!

Aaaaand... back on point...

A friend of mine posted a link on their Facebook page about Jim Neighbors getting married.  That's great for him.  In fact, I think that's awesome for him, mainly because I honestly thought he was dead.  Getting married has got to be better than death... right?

So, in an attempt to be "cute" I commented "Well Golly" under her link.  Jim Neighbors played Gomer and one of Gomer's catch phrases was "Well Golly" except that he stretched it out and said more of a (phonetically spelled) "Gahhhhhhahhhhleeeee!"  So, that's what I was really going for, but you can't just type all of that phonetic nonsense.  So, instead, I stretched out the O and really posted "Well Goooooolly."

Now look at that; "Gooooooolly."  Sure, people understood what I was going for, but I basically typed a word that should be pronounce more closely to "goonie."

In fact, the person who commented after me tried her best to mimic Gomer's other catch phrase where he says "Surprise, surprise surprise" except that she avoided phonetic correctness and went with "suuuuuuuurprise, suuuuurprise suuuuuurprise" which just doesn't work for me.  Especially because I thought he enhanced the Prise part of the word more than the Surp.

But I digress.

Does this not annoy you as it does me?  I am victimized by my own attempt at humor.  I could go with the correct phonetic approach, but that would be visually unpleasing.  So I go with the more visually aesthetic variation closer to the original words design but I have created a different sounding word altogether.

Now, for some reason, the same problem does not apply to southern swear words.  You know, like "Dayum" and "Sheeyut!"  You can use the phonetic spellings to make your point and include the southern drawl but that's only because we do not want to spell out swear words in print.

So, typing them funny or incorrectly makes them more acceptable!

Am I right?

You're G@%d&!ned right I'm F$*?ing right!  Just so you know, I didn't actually swear there.  The first word is just a mess of letters and the second word was really "fishing."

But there's other cases in print where you just can't use the more accurate phonetic spelling (which should be spelled FONEHTIK) as opposed to the incorrect sounding more accurate looking word.  For example, when you foolishly thought I was swearing in that last paragraph, did you think to yourself "Nohhhhhhhhh Dooooooood" or did you think "Noooooooo Duuuuuuuuuude?"  The fist one is "No Dude" and the second one is clearly "New Duddy."  However, the second one is more visually pleasing.

There are so many more cases but I'm almost certain I am losing you, so I will move on to another example of what we're losing by communicating through text.

Here, I've got a question for you.  What's that song on organ that you sometimes hear at a wedding or some event at a church.  You know the one.  It goes like this

duh duh
d-duh duh
d-duh duh
d-duh duh

d-duh duh
d-duh duh
d-duh duh
d-duh duh

dah duh duh
d-duh duh
d-duh duh
d-duh duh

d-duh duh
d-duh duh
d-duh duh
d-duh duh

And repeats slowly changing to lower octaves each go around until it starts back up at the top again in the original octave?

Now don't confuse with that other one, that should never be played at a wedding, that goes:

Dah Dah Dah Duhhhhh

Dah Dah Dah Duhhhhh

Dah Dah Dah Duh Dah Dah Dah Duh Dah Dah Dah Duhhhhh
Dah Dah Dah Duh Dah Dah Dah Duh Dah Dah Dah Duhhhhh

and so on....

So my point is, without actually talking face to face and trying to sing this melody to someone your chances are slim in finding out what it is.  Granted actually singing it to them in person may actually increase your chances of being locked up.

Maybe I'm putting too much thought into this?  Perhaps fonehtik spelling is the wave of the future?  In fact please read the text below that I've copied and pasted from the page I've linked it to:

"May Ive yr attn plz? Ncase u may nt av realized, txt msgN hs Bcum a vry populA 4m of r Coms. sum ppl av diFrent ideas bout hw txt msgN S afectin r lang. S txtN makeing us laZ n iliter8 or openng r minds 2 nu 4m of lerning n lang?"

Oh Crap.  We're screwed.