I swear I'm writing. I do it every day. The problem is that I am unable to finish. I am unable to finish every day.
Actually I have about 12 incomplete posts right now and one of those has been on hold since the very week I started this thing.
You know, I wrote so much when I started and my mind kept generating new stuff to write. It's all still there. But lately, as soon as I get started, I find my mind wandering.
Have you ever seen the movie "Awakenings?" It's that whole Robert Deniro comes out of a Coma with the help of "El Dopa" story. El Dopa sounds like something that would have the opposite effect on you. Anyway, once he's essentially "awake" he starts living a life. However, eventually, he needed more and more El Dopa until it got to the point where it simply didn't work anymore.
Well that has very little to do with me. However, I guess my point is that the blog, when I first started it, really helped me focus. I would sit at my computer with an idea in my head, and I'd start typing it out. As soon as I was finished, I had a rush of accomplishment. "To hell with paying bills or cleaning my house! I've got a blog to write!" Is pretty much how I felt.
So here I am 7 months later and the thoughts are still flying through my head and I still sit to write, but suddenly, I'll get up and clean my house, pay my bills, feed my child, walk my dog, take my cold medicine, deal with being sad over the holidays, go on a date, do my job, play a game, watch a movie....
I noticed my focus first slowing down when my daughter's school year started. Wow! It is amazing how her schedule is such a major part of my life! Granted, I live for that. Unfortunately that's not as consistent as I had originally hoped for what with her having to grow up in two households and all.
Then, football season started. I work on the weekends a lot during college sports seasons. And, so, exhaustion and just being busy sets in.
As the football season came to an end, I was lambasted by the holidays. You, know that time of year when no matter how happy you try to be and no matter how much happy stuff you try to surround yourself with you can't help but be sad about everyone you've lost and how where your life is right now is NOTHING like what you had hoped for. Seriously, I know people who have lives I'd love to have who are sad about it and wish they had my life. HAH!!!!
As a kid the holidays are blast because you can enjoy them for what they are. A time to celebrate! But as an adult, they become reminders of better times, or just a time of "reflection." Growing up sucks sometimes!
I stay in hotels quite often as of late. Do you remember when you were a kid and staying in a hotel was like sleeping in a them park? It was SO EXCITING AND NEW!!!! As an adult, all I want is my own bed and my own pillows and dammit, MY OWN COFFEE MAKER!!!
It's like going to McDonald's. As a kid, eating at McDonald's was a victory in your life. As an adult, it is a complete failure. When I go to McDonald's now, I try to eat healthy, or as healthy as I can. I might try a salad, but often I'll go with the grilled chicken sandwich. However, as I have been informed by my so-called friends, "going to McDonald's for something healthy is liking going to a hooker for a hug."
Well, I don't have need for a hooker, but I sure could use a hug... AND A GRILLED CHICKEN SANDWICH IN MY OWN BED!!!
Of course (getting somewhat back on point here) once I survived the holidays the new year started. We're remarkably busy at work and I've been on the road a lot on the weekends, staying in a nice hotel. Of course, "nice hotel" indicates to me these days that it loses some of the niceties I'm looking for. Maybe I'm just not classy enough, but, now matter how nice the hotel, as I mentioned before, I miss my bed, my pillows and my coffee maker!
Nope... I missed my point...
Of course, yes, I can compensate with the hotel coffee maker in my room and then grab a cup from the lobby on my way out. However, at this particular "nice" hotel, there is no free coffee in the lobby. No, they have a nice bistro where I can pay for a cup of coffee. But worst of all, the one thing that I actually DO love about staying in a hotel these days is making my own waffle in the morning (seriously, I may not be classy). But this nicer hotel (which I really do appreciate) that I've stayed at three times this month alone, WON'T LET ME MAKE MY OWN DAMN WAFFLE!!!! I have to go to the bistro if I wanna eat in the hotel and the bistro don't got no waffles!
Get back on point (again). I'm writing still.
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