I woke up yesterday very tired from the night before. I've no idea what I did the night before other than have a glass of wine and get to bed before ten. At 6 am I was beyond sleepy whereas I usually wake up closer to 5 am annoyingly ready to go.
Perhaps I got too much sleep? I guess it could happen.
I had a banana for breakfast. I often have bananas for breakfast. Sure, I could tell you something like "I'm trying to eat healthy" but that's not really the case. I just really like bananas.
I've had a few people ask me if I'm eating that to lose weight? I could do to lose some weight but that's not my intention. Really, I just have a hard time with breakfast and a banana is a good size meal for me. I have to make myself eat something.
Besides, I don't think eating bananas is good for weight loss. Have you seen a gorilla? THEY'RE FREAKIN' MASSIVE!!!!
I eat bananas and that is why I am the size I am... and y'know, come to think of it, my back hair is turning a lovely shade of silvery grey!!! So, there's that too. I may be one of those mysterious Silver Back Gorilla Dads.
And see, that's one of the clues to my aging body issues... I'm a Dad.
I love being a Dad.
Before becoming a Dad I had spent nine years getting to work by 4:30 am. I should make a point to mention here that I did not become a Dad at 9 (although I totally coulda). No I had spent 33 years simply existing before the gift of fatherhood arrived at my doorstep. It just happened to be from years 24 to 33 that I spent going in to work by 4:30 am!
Anyway, I never needed coffee during all those years and I almost never had a bite of food before 9 am. It just wasn't my nature to get up and eat. And of course, with all of my hyper spastic energies, I never needed coffee.
About two days after becoming a Dad I started drinking coffee. I LOVE THE STUFF!!!!
I also realized I had to feed my child first thing in the day and last thing at night... and a few times during the day... and a few times during the night... Suddenly I found myself eating first thing in the day.. and the last thing at night... and a few times....etc...
I needed the energy in order to try to keep up with the kid.
8 years later I work a regular 9 to 5 and I have coffee for breakfast; most days, with a side of banana.
So, aging has forced me into the go-juice and nanners morning meal. Good stuff.
Now, back to my story...
Yesterday was my daughters last day of the school year. It was... A HALF DAY!!!! For the past several years I have either taken a half day as well or the whole day off. Yesterday I took a half day. Good times!
Upon arriving to work that morning, I sat at my desk and did very little as the clock slowly ticked on.... It seems like the day is longest when you know you're going to get out early. Although it actually feels longest on the last day before a vacation.
Anyway, my half day lingered. I ate my banana at my desk around 9-ish.
I did not have lunch.
I picked my child up around noon along with two other kiddos. The four of us were going to have A DAY!!!
But I was still so tired.
They had eaten lunch at school so we opted to go out and get some "FRO-YO!" Apparently that's how we trendy people (I did not know I was trendy) are supposed to refer to our FROzen YOgurt. So, we went to one of those do -it-yourself frozen yogurt places where they give you a bowl, let you fill it up with whatever you want (yogurt and toppings) and then they weigh your order and charge by the pound.
Why is America so obese now?
So, for me, it was FRO YO for lunch! That seemed healthy enough.
I only had some sort of cake batter "low fat" yogurt with some granola on top... and some crushed oreos... and maybe some white chocolate chips... AND THAT'S ALL!!!! Sadly, they had no chocolate covered bacon for my YO.
Altogether, three elementary school kids and I ordered $25 worth of weighed food. It's easy to be a glutton if you say "screw it" to your budget.
After we finished my lunch and their second lunches, we opted to go back to the house and play video games as it was way too hot outside. So the kids played video games and I went to take a nap. 1 Banana and 9 to 10 pounds of FRO YO (and stuff) apparently does not help much with the low energy. But then again, Gorillas sleep all day, covered in their banana leaves, and they're the picture of health.
So I tried my best, but somewhere along the way my nap went horribly wrong. I was aware of this when I awoke to three kids (and a large dog) in bed with me, all watching TV. I tried my best to ignore them, but eventually the waves of "what the hell did I really have for lunch" nausea got me up!
After a while, it just seemed better to go outside and do something.
On a side note, why didn't I enjoy taking a nap when I was a kid? What the hell was wrong with me?
We decided to get in the pool. Me and three kids (all under four feet or close enough) in a pool means only one thing:
I AM THE TARGET!!!
and THEY'RE GOING TO SCREAM!!!
and MY EARS ARE GOING TO HURT FROM ALL THE SCREAMING!!!
and I AM AN ISLAND THEY ARE GOING TO TRY TO CLIMB ON!!!
and WHEN THEY GET ON MY SHOULDERS THEY ARE GOING TO JUMP OFF!!!
and I AM GOING TO HAVE TO TRY TO THROW THEM!!!
and THAT WILL EXHAUST ME!!!
and I AM GOING TO HAVE TO SWIM UNDERWATER TO GET AWAY FROM THEM!!!
and AT LEAST ONE OF THEM WILL HANG ON TO MY SHOULDERS WHILE I DO SO, YOU KNOW, " FOR THE RIDE!!!"
So, okay, it means actually all 9 of those things happen pretty much every five minutes over the course of two hours. Of course, that's not all that I had to do. There was more, like the fact that I was the life guard and I was the referee and I had to be the grown up and, oh yeah, I had to remove the SNAKE FROM THE POOL!!!
 | |
| "I'm just a harmless dolphin ma'am." |
It was just a baby rat snake, but, as it turns out, kids (and silver backed gorilla dads) do not care much for snakes slithering past their heads in a pool! That's what I get for living in the Southeastern USA.
After that, I was spent. I cooked a dinner of pasta Alfredo with chicken and broccoli (finally a meal) and then watched some TV before going to bed.
Then, this morning it dawned on me that, as it turns out, although gorillas can spend a whole day tossing luggage around their room, much like one might toss three elementary kids around a pool, they pay for it the next day.
This morning, I woke up sore.
I woke up slow.
I woke up tired.
I woke up not wanting to eat.
I knew why!
I had my coffee.
I skipped my banana... I had it for lunch.
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