Pantlet- Act 3 Scene 1

To wear pants, or not to wear pants: that is the question: 

Whether 'tis nobler in the summer to suffer
The fabric and rubbing of outrageous pants legs,
Or to take arms (legs) against a sea of denims,

And by opposing end them? To wear pants: to wear shorts;
No more; and by shorts to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural socks
That flesh is leg hairs to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To wear pants, to wear shorts;
To wear shorts: perchance to feel the breeze: ay, there's the rub;
For in that legless clothing of leglessness what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this knees and legs covering coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long pants legs;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of walking around in nothing,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's costumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy pants,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bottom? who would Levis bare,
To grunt and sweat under a weary restraining pant leg,
But that the dread of something after pants,
The uncover'd legs from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bare those legs we have
Than zip up our fly to others that we know not of?
Thus pants (and all constricting clothing) does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native pantless hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er the pale legs,
And enterprises of great fashion sense and practicality
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. - Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy short shorts
Be all my shorts and kilts remember'd.


Okay, so, it took some work, and I had to change some of Shakespeare's wording (or at least, the words he

 most likely stole from someone else) but I think I've made my point.

I DON'T LIKE WEARING PANTS!!!