Going for Gold! Oh wait... DID IT!!!

This is my 50th (which is gold in "day-iversaries;" there, I just explained the title to you; it's not about the Olympics) published blog since I started this thing in June.  I am still amazed that I have been able to come up with something to type every day.  Really, there's a lot of junk stored in my brain.

I've come to realize that my thoughts are like a rats teeth.  Rats have to chew every day.  If they do not chew, their teeth will grow too large and will eventually kill them.  If I don't get my thoughts out there and off of my chest, they will build up in my head.  I hope they don't kill me, but they do cloud my mind and keep me distracted.  Perhaps I'd be so distracted I'd walk out in traffic or something and get hit by something as simple as an Amish horse cart.  So, yeah, there you go; I must get these thoughts out of my mind because, you know, Amish horse carts!

It just dawned on me that it says a lot about my self image that I thought of myself as rat teeth as opposed to beaver teeth.  It's the same deal for beaver's as it is for rats and beavers are cuter and less disliked.  Yet, I type "rat."  It even says more about me and how lazy I can be that, rather than go back and simply change all the instances of "rat" to "beaver," I've simply kept trucking along, calling myself out as a rat, rather than making sure you think I see myself in the best possible light.

If it matters any, my first instinct was to refer to my daily posts as "cognitive flatulence" but that seemed too graphic, gross and self deprecating.  And yet, I've gone off and told you about it anyway.  I really shouldn't have.  I should have withheld that bit but I already withhold so much.

And there is part of the "crux" for me in this blogging thing.  As much as I am writing, this is only about 50% (if that much) of what I am thinking about.  I just either do not wish to, or feel it is inappropriate to, blog about some of the things on my mind.

I've seen many blogs, very good blogs, that are angry rants.  I see no problems with these blogs but they aren't for me. 

But, at times, it takes everything within my will power to keep my mouth shut or more like my fingers from typing. 

For example, when I witness the misuse of religion(s) to pass militant judgement on others.  For me, this stems from the fact that pretty much every "God Fearin'" religion stresses the whole "Judge not lest ye be judged" and the "let he/ she who is without sin cast the first stone" basis for their beliefs.  This has really brought home the whole "oh wow, look at all the outspoken hypocrites" type response within me.  But then I figured it out; they've all read the quote wrong and think it's "he without stone should cast the first sin...."   Ohhhhhhhh... so there you go, game on... sin away!

My Church has a lot of "defined sins" almost too many to keep up with.  You get used to it and almost find comfort in knowing you're a sinner and you need to pray and try to improve upon myself.  How do I know I'm a sinner?  I got out of bed today. 

So there you have it, Athiest or any religion, Democrat or Republican, Chicken sammich eater or Oreo eater,  the list goes on... unless you're comitting a blatant crime, I'll be doing my best to pass judgement on no one.

And then there's all the political rant blogs.  Rant away.  I don't blame you for your feelings, nor necessarily disagree with you, but, damn.  Some people really do fear change and politics.  I might just be too ignorant to get it.  Ignorance can be bliss!

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I am tired of being force fed anger and ignorance on any and every subject, so I will withhold from forcing my anger or ignorance upon you.  Well, my anger at least.

Also, I get sad but I don't want to blog about it or even make it my status update.  Really, "I made a sandwich and my lettuce was bad... :(" 

Actually, I get down right depressed.  Depression is a very real thing and sometimes it happens for an emotional reason and other times, I firmly believe, it can happen for chemical reasons.  

I've actually noticed within myself that I have been overall happier since I started doing this blog.  Not that all of my posts are rainbow launching joygasms, but they are typically a non-miserable spin on my perspective.  Like exercising the brain and using cheesy cliche's at the same time, "thinking happy (or non-depressing) thoughts makes you a happy (non-depressing) person!"

Sadly I have witnessed friends and loved ones who have destroyed everything they've worked for and everyone around them because they refuse to get help for depression.  They spiral into misery and tell themselves that it is not their fault and they are very happy; everyone else is just mean.  It's very sad, but I am not going to spend time blogging about that.  I just want to focus on other issues.

I LOVE to blog about the joys of being a parent!  I actually had no desire to ever have a kid until right around the time I became a Dad.  I was fine with my life and was more terrified of "breaking" a child than any desire I could have to raise one.  Then I became a Dad.  In an instant, I became "CAPTAIN PUSHOVER!!!"  Not really.  I am relatively strict but I remember what it was like being a kid and I try to help my kid capture those moments and have those memories.  I had a GREAT childhood, in a disciplined household.

What I try my best not to blog about is how awful divorce has been for her.  It has been terrible.  She talks about it occasionally and it still bothers me.  It doesn't really bother me anymore for what I have lost but it tears me up for what she has had taken away from her.

I could spend days upon days upon days blogging about the pain and realities of divorce when kids are involved.  It is sad to me how common of an occurrence it has become.  I've heard soldiers talk about "walking through fields surrounded by dead bodies" well, sometimes, that's what it feels like walking around the playground, but it's not dead bodies, it's divorced parents or children going through it.  What's worse is that the majority of divorced people I know aren't in that situation because of abuse, they are in it because their spouse opted to destroy the family to go search for something better or happier.  And the kids are left to pick up the pieces.

I cannot always blog about many of the everyday occurrences I have shared with some of the people I surround myself with.  I am surrounded by many wonderful people and I am soooo grateful that they are there.  Some I see daily, some I see when I'm in my driveway or walking down the street.  Some I only see during the school year because our kids share a class.  That's fine, I appreciate whatever time we get.

But I can't always blog about these people, mainly because I don't want them to misunderstand me and be offended.  I'm thinking someone out there right now is upset with being referred to as "these people."  Sorry. 

And if I say "one of them is great even though they smell awful... you know who you are;" well, now I've got every one I know upset thinking "OH MY GOD!!! I SMELL?  How could he publish that?!?!?!"  Well, I was kidding.  You don't smell ... most of the time (Andy G.).

And then there are all of the inappropriate thoughts that I cannot blog about.. EVER!!!!  Just between you, me and the fencepost, I have A LOT of inappropriate thoughts go through my head every... ohp; just had one... twenty or thirty seconds or so.  It's annoying. 

You know that point in growing up where you are supposed to learn to control these..... awwwww yeahhhh; sorry.... thoughts?  Well, I slept through the days that those skills were supposed to be learned and completely missed a few of those aspects of becoming a responsible adult.  I can't blog about those thoughts for fear of being ostracized from the civilized world only to end up banished to somewhere like Hoboken.

Seriously, I try not to stir up any controversy when I type out this stuff.  It's definitely on my mind and I've probably just hit the tip of the iceberg today, but I would rather simply not blog for a day or two than have to spew forth my anger, pain, sadness or disgust.  The world and those within can send us enough of that every day.  You don't need anymore from me.

I think people need to learn to appreciate what they have before them.  I think this blog has helped me appreciate more of what I have and have had. 

Look what I've done.  I've gotten all sentimental and deep.  I'm sorry.  I hate it when I do that.

Allow me to make it all better by ending on an inspiring quote from Dr. Johnny Fever:

"BOOGER!"